G r e e t i n g s E a r t h l i n g s
Taking a break from the rather depressing post last week, (After looking back on it I'm just going to straight up apologise, that shit was bad,) we're moving swiftly onwards to the slightly more light hearted topic of how much my writing skill (and cover-making skill) has developed over the past two years.
I've been writing fiction for about four or five years, but recently it's turned more into fanfiction. It's a terrible habit, as I've noticed my creative threshold for starting a story which is original has depleted dramatically. In my newest original I've actually had to go so far as to 'create' my own canon, exploring all the background before actually beginning to write it. (Which reminds me, I should really update.)
My first fanfiction (I'm going straight for fanfiction writing because it's the easiest of my work to find) was a Steve Rogers love story, about a young woman who wakes up after a horrible car accident that she has been presumed dead by her only surviving relatives, and that she's been genetically modified by S.H.I.E.L.D to be a badass. Loki is also (inexplicably) back on Earth, and has fallen in love with the main character's sister, converting her to the side of evil.
Trust me, however painful it is to read, that summary was 200% more painful to write. Now, on to extracts.
In this chapter, Claire (main character) finds out about Steve's past in the 1940's. Italics are my commentary
Bruce leaned back in his chair. Natasha and Fury had left us alone a few minutes ago, and he was about to re-tell me everything, from how I came to be here.
I dealt with plot holes by giving my character retrograde amnesia due to her procedure."Claire Reynolds was a twenty-one year old Law Student, who was born in San Antonio and studied at Stanford University in California. About a year ago Claire was on holiday with her parents and younger sister in New York, when their car crashed by the Empire State building. Claire's parents were killed on impact and described as dead on the scene, but the two girls were taken to a nearby hospital. Claire's sister, Anna was shocky by well enough to go home after a few days, and she went back to California to live with her Aunt and Uncle."
"And Claire?" I asked, feeling my voice shake. "I mean... Me?"
"Claire's -
Your condition was incredibly unstable, and the doctors were surprised you even survived the trip to the hospital. You slipped into a coma by the time you got there, and you died early the next morning."
I felt my insides get cold
(Biological improbability). "Then how am I still here?"
He smiled.
(Glad to see one of the characters is finding this situation fucking funny.) "Your IQ level is rated as being Profoundly Gifted - a rating of 180. Scientists just couldn't let that go to waste. For years before the accident doctors had been developing a serum, and a strategy to change a persons molecular and bio-physical structure, to make them a more impressive person. Stronger, faster, better reflexes, and more intelligent."
He smiled gently.
(Didn't Bruce JUST smile, or am I getting confused?) "Getting all this?"
I nodded, and he continued.
"Now, This treatment had already been done on fifty patients, all with IQ's
far lower than yours. I think the highest was 150. The patient's brains all rejected the treatment. They rejected the electro-pulses designed to stimulate brain function. However, your brain picked it up. When it came to your mind, the treatment worked. Your gene pool was re-worked, and your molecular structure was very slightly altered to your body could cope with the changes. However, there are some... Side effects..."
"Like what?"
He sighed, " Acidic blood is one. Your blood can burn through most objects, as a defensive mechanism. Your skin is also puncture tolerant. Not completely bullet-proof or knife proof, but it's far thicker than normal skin, except for your jugular artery and the veins in the crook of your arm." he smiled faintly. (
STOP FUCKING SMILING WHY ARE YOU AMUSED BY THIS BULLSHIT)"Claire, you're a twenty-first century Steve Rogers. You aren't even supposed to be here, let alone with all these modifications. You're our little miracle."
"Fury said all this had already been explained to me. How come I don't remember?"
He shrugged, "It was just after you'd woken up. I told Tony that too much information would overload your brain. Your body couldn't cope with those facts, and pushed them out. But now..." He shrugged, "We'll just have to see if you can cope with it now."
(There it is, spectacular plot-hole coverage)"Thanks Bruce." I stood up and smiled, leaving the room and standing in the cool hallway
(Air conditioning game strong) for a few minutes before making my way back to my room.
I was almost back at my room when I walked past Steve's open door. I poked my head around the corner. Old 1940's music was playing from a stereo, and I could see papers scattered across a desk. It didn't look like Steve was home.
I took a few steps inside, glancing around and moving over to the desk.
(Literally the rudest fucking OC in the world)There were pictures of Publicity Stunts and Chorus Girls, and one picture of what looked like Steve. I peered closer and held it up to the light, frowning. The face was certainly Steve's, but the body was all wrong. This guy was skinny and short, seeming to be dwarfed by his surroundings. I felt my lips raise into a smile,
(Lips don't raise, jackass.) remembering him telling me something about the Super Soldier Serum that turned him into the man he was now.
(I'm not even going to comment on 'the man he was now'.)"See you found 1940's Steve then,"
I turned sharply at the sound of his quiet voice, and blushed. "I'm sorry - I shouldn't have come in without your-"
"It's fine." He laughed gently
(Why is everyone in this fucking story so god damn happy???) and brushed away my apology, moving closer and plucking the photo from my hands. He looked down at it for a few moments, seemingly lost in the memories he must have had.
(That was fucking dramatic)"You were cute." I said, breaking the silence. He looked up at me, surprised.
"Excuse me?"
"Back then, Skinny Steve." I smiled warmly. "You were cute."
He laughed and shrugged, "You're just about the only person who's ever thought that, let alone say it."
(DID I JUST FUCKING BRUSH OVER PEGGY CARTER LIKE SHE WAS NOTHING WHEN SHE IS IN FACT A GODDESS.)I smiled, "Guess I'm just an odd sort of girl."
He looked at me, meeting my gaze with his icy blue one, and the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile. "I wouldn't call you odd. Out of the ordinary, yes."
(Steve that's literally the same fucking thing as she just said your flirting game is weak.)"Ordinary's boring."
(I didn't realise my OC was a 2009 Hipster.)He shrugged and placed the photo back on the table. "I guess you're right."
I looked back at the table, and spotted another photo. "Pretty girl." I murmured, pointing.
Steve coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh... Yes."
(Why are you embarrassed Steve, if I'd tapped Peggy Carter I'd never fucking shut up about it???)I picked it up and looked at it. Curly dark hair, red lips and dark eyes that held just a hint of a smile. I could see Steve falling for her.
(You've known this dude for like a week, if that. How do you know what he likes? How can you see her falling for her? Is that one of your special powers? No. It isn't. "
Peggy." he murmured from behind me, and I looked up at him. He didn't seem to even know I was there. It was just him and the picture.
(Shockingly out of character.)I sighed and handed it to him. He took it gratefully, murmured a soft 'thank you' without looking at me. I could see when I was interrupting something, and left.
(I cannot describe how disgustingly out of character this section is.)
"Peggy Carter." Fury mulled over the name, watching me from across his desk, before shrugging. "Sure, I can dig up some stuff on her for you. Why'd you need it?"
(Nick why are you bending to the whims of this whiny OC???)"Just research." I stood up and smiled at him. A gesture which he didn't return. "Well, thanks Fury."
I got to the door and opened it when he called my name.
"Is this for Cap?"
I looked back at him and shrugged, biting my lip.
"Because if it is, I think it's a mistake."
"I'm a big girl Fury, I can make my own mistakes."
"Yeah, but you might not be the one that gets hurt from this mistake."
(A. How many times has the word 'mistake' been used? B. Nick Fury is apparently now the GBF that appears in all tween movies.)I stared at him for a moment,
(Staring is rude, your mother should have raised you better than that.) frowning, before leaving the room and closing the door behind me.
I've got chills. And no, thankfully, they ain't multiplyin'.
Next extract: This is from my newest work, which I started about two or three weeks ago. In this Marvel/Hunger Games crossover, Steve and Natasha fail to stop Hydra in CA:TWS, and as a result, they take over the world. Soon after, they begin the 'Hunger Games', where twenty contestants are hooked up to an arena where they fight to the death. The main character, Ace Harrigan, is being trained by Steve Rogers, with help from Bucky Barnes. (Trust me, not all of my work is Steve Rogers based. Most of it's actually about Bucky, to be honest.) Again, commentary is in italics. This is a little experiment to see if I can pick out less flaws. If not, I'm seriously going to re-evaluate my choices.
It had been a day since Steve and Barnes had come to her with their proposition,
(Aaaaaay) and Ace was still a little sceptical. She had no idea how she was going to convince nineteen other people to not kill each other without the Hydra Agents that followed them nearly constantly getting suspicious.
The breakfast room was practically empty when she walked in, with only two unfamiliar girls and the tattooed blond she kept seeing sat around the table. One of the girls waved her over as she approached, and, grateful for the company
(lol fucking loner), she slid into the seat opposite.
"Ace, right?" The girl on the right said after swallowing a mouthful of food.
(yeah basically everyone knows her name.)"Yeah." She said quietly, glancing over her shoulder to check the Hydra Agent wasn't listening to them. he was busy inspecting his rifle. When she turned back to the two girls a plate was being pushed in her direction. She accepted it with a small 'thank you', before thinking about how to phrase her proposition. She highly doubted 'how about we just chill when we get to the arena?' was going to work.
(I became a sassier narrator as time went on, and now my stories are basically 80% sass, 20% plot)She searched for a name for either of her new companions, but came up blank. Luckily, they seemed to realise, and the mandatory introductions were made.
(She's literally so fucking lonely she knows like three people at this point.) The taller, slimmer girl on the left was Quinnevere Lim,
(named after Lim, my utter babe) and the other girl was Emma. Ace didn't catch the last name, she was too busy watching a second Hydra Agent enter the room from the door past the girls' heads. The Agent lapped the room once, his eyes never leaving the contestants. Ace kept an eye on him, making sure that he was out of earshot before she leaned forwards to the other two.
"How many of the other contestants are female?"
Lim raised an eyebrow. "You looking for a date?"
(sass)The corner of Ace's mouth tipped up
(i still haven't learnt how to describe a smile without sounding fucking ridiculous) in spite of herself. "Something like that, I guess."
Lim shrugged. "No idea. There are probably ten men and ten women. That's usually how it goes."
(because apparently Ace has never once watched these games.)"Do you know all of the girls?"
They exchanged confused glances, but admitted they knew most of them pretty well. It seemed that over the course of the past few weeks most other contestants had found the time to get to know their opponents. It was a tactic she probably should have made use of earlier on, in hindsight.
(once again: lol fucking loner)"I need you to get them all together in the girl's bathroom on the ground floor twenty minutes before lunch."
Emma frowned. "Why would you -"
Ace cut her off with a terse shake of the head as a pair of Hydra Agents - higher ranking members of one of the infamous Strike Teams - wandered in. She recognised one of them instantly from newspapers and broadcasts. Brock Rumlow, once a high-ranking S.H.I.E.L.D operative had helped bring down the organisation, and more than once had been noted as a key player in the rise of Hydra. He looked down at her, and a smirk appeared on his lips as he looked her up and down. She expected him to continue the way the other Hydra Agent had gone, but at the last moment he swung back around and headed for the table.
"Ace, right?" He said,
(literally everyone fucking knows her jfc) his voice low as he leaned over her shoulder, his breath tickling her cheek.
(tickle tickle tickle)"That's right." She looked straight ahead, resisting the urge to drive the fork in her hand up into his eye socket.
wow rude) Lim and Emma had gone incredibly quiet opposite her.
"You're gonna want to eat up, darling." He cooed, tapping her empty plate with his index finger. "Need your energy for training."
"I'll bear that in mind." She said through gritted teeth, glad when he finally pulled away from her. She met Lim and Emma's gazes, swallowing hard as she counted Rumlow's footsteps until they faded from earshot. She glanced over her shoulder to check that he was gone, waiting a little to give him plenty of room to move down the corridor before she left, before standing up.
"Bathroom." She reminded the other two, before making her way to the door, almost bumping into another young woman on the way out through the doorway. She was dressed, unusually, in the Hydra-issue contestant uniform, which Ace had noticed few of the contestants chose to wear, instead sticking to the gym clothes that they'd all been given.
"'Scuse me." She murmured, making an attempt to side step the other woman, who made no movement to let her pass. "Excuse me."
The woman eyed her suspiciously, her blue eyes silently flickering back to the corridor she'd just come from. Finally, she moved back a little, allowing Ace past her and into the corridor.
(mysterious bitch characters are a staple of my work)She looked back into the mess hall to the other woman, who had by now moved off to sit at the table, away from Lim and Emma. Frowning, she slowly made her way down the corridor to the elevator, looking for Steve or Barnes to begin training for the morning.
She was late to the bathroom. When she slipped inside, everyone was already waiting for her, with some people perched on sinks, others leaning on cubicle doors, and some just standing around waiting. She spotted a very confused Teresa towards the front of the small crowd when she stepped inside. She was stood with Laura, who was fiddling with a loose thread on her gym top. At he back, Ace spotted the dark haired girl from the mess hall. Her arms were folded, and she was watching Ace with that same unnerving look as before.
(dun dun dun)"You want to explain what the hell's going on?" A blonde girl perched on a sink spoke up, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Ace
(the other eyebrow, on the other hand, is totally loving this) . "Maximoff doesn't exactly like cutting training sessions short."
A couple of others murmured their agreement, and Ace swallowed hard, suddenly nervous. How the hell was she going to voice this? Barnes hadn't exactly been a lot of help. His sole piece of advice had been 'just do whatever comes naturally.'
(aaaaaaaay)"How much do we all hate Hydra?" She asked finally.
(ace ur lame) The question took a couple of people aback, and the blonde snorted, jumping off the sink and making to leave.
"This was a waste of time." She muttered, trying to push past Ace, who instinctively stepped back, blocking the door. "Get out of my way."
"No." She said bluntly, staring the shorter girl down, and noticing for the first time an ugly scar on the side of her face. She didn't need three guesses to figure out where it was from.
(1. cuddled too many puppies 2. didn't cuddle enough puppies 3. cuddled a wolf)"There's a law against walking out of bullshit seminars?"
(aaaaay lmao)"Not a law." Ace resisted the urge to shove her back towards the group to get her out of her face. "But it's advisable. This bullshit seminar might save your life."
There were a couple of murmurs in the crowd at that, and eventually, the girl stepped back, standing beside Teresa and folding her arms, waiting expectantly. Ace licked her lips, glancing to the few friendly faces for support. There wasn't a lot.
(of course not stop being so fucking whiny)"Every year, the game ends when every contestant in the arena dies. Contestants are either killed by other contestants, or by the Hydra figures that have been put into the arena to facilitate the game. A failsafe was built in so that if the Hydra Agents are all terminated, then the arena shuts down, and any survivors are pulled out." As she explained she looked around. A couple of people, Lim, Laura and Emma in particular, were starting to get hopeful smiles on their faces.
(hope that will be dashed in later chapters)"So what, you're saying that we destroy the Hydra Agents instead of each other?" Teresa asked.
"Why not?"
The corner of Teresa's mouth twitched.
(facial tic or beginning of a smile? no way to know) "I don't have a good answer to that."
I think (?) there are less notes on the second piece, but I can't honestly be sure. I'm gonna be honest with y'all, I didn't know what to do this week's piece about. I never know what to do my pieces about. Let's just take this as an 'it gets better' piece.
Aaaaanyway, onto my picks of the week.
Song of the Week: The Consequence by You Me At Six
Man Crush of the Week: Michael Beihn (in Aliens)
Woman Crush of the Week: Evangeline Lilly
Film of the Week: Aliens (1986) Watched it twice this week... Mainly for this cutie
This lip balm came in a pack of two lip balms and two cheek stains and me and my sister split them. I got this lip balm and I really like it because it feels lovely on my lips and isn't as sticky as other lip balms and leave a slight red tint on your lips. The second item is the cheek stain also from benefit.
This cheek stain works like a blusher but is a pure liquid and is painted on your cheeks before being rubbed in to your cheeks, I really like it and will buy it again . The third item is my Clinique mascara,
I got this mascara for Christmas and I love it. I have had it before and really like it because it is high impact and doesn't clump my eyelashes. The fourth item is this body butter,
This body butter was a Christmas present I got with a matching body wash in the same wild rose sent.Its a flower pharm product and I also got a matching make up bag which I'm I love with.
These moisturiser where bought from boots and were individually bought and I don't know if I've reviewed them beiges but I love them. The night treatment gel is put on at night beiges you sleep and you wash it off when you wake up but it sinks into your skin while you sleep. I really like it and I don't get many spots when I use it. The shine control moisturiser is used before you do your makeup and makes a Matt make up base for your primer and is very efficient and I really would recommend it.
