I'm back again for another post. This one, unlike my prior two, will be back to exploring controversial topics and how my views on them are ones that will likely offend the cast majority of people (sorry in advance).
When i was younger, and i used to be a man, i wanted to be a mercenary. "Why on earth would you want to be that!?" I hear you cry. Because it could be defined as easy money, Blood money, but nonetheless easy if you know what you are doing. "How Immoral" people often say when i disclose this former career choice, and to be honest they are right. I was, for about 7 years, perfectly comfortable with the idea of putting a bullet through someones head for a couple of grand. Why wouldn't i want too!? It would take me a year to get that much money in a standard job when i could get it in a week at the expense of several magazines of ammo and the travel to which ever part of the world. I could retire at thirty and live in some great house with a nice car and everything i could ever want.
A lot of people also ask me why i didn't just join the military and do that kind of thing legally. This leads me onto the main topic of debate in today's post. Rules and morals. I hated the concept of military service because there are to many rules. And let me tell you something kiddo, rules get you killed.
This was a topic of debate between me and my friends several weeks ago which became somewhat heated. (I hope i didn't upset any of them.) I wanted to argue that rules in war are pointless when the enemy has no rules. My friends, being the beautifully moral people they are (i love that aspect of them, never ceases to make me smile), defended the concept of rules because they keep barbarity and chaos to a minimum, their prime example was the attempted genocide of the Jewish people by the Nazi's in WWII. Arguably this is true and such an atrocity should never, ever be allowed to happen again, but when we are fighting and enemy like Daesh, who have no rules or sense of morality. We continue to lose troops and ground because we have to obey rules.
I wanted to be a mercenary because i could be as brutal and as cruel as i deemed necessary to ensure i survived and the job was done. In the military if we were clearing an area and some enemy fighters had surrendered, we would need to keep an eye on them to make sure they didn't attack us from behind. In my mercenary eyes, i would simply put a bullet in them and move on or "interrogate" them, kill them and then move on. I could do what no military could because they are bound by human rights and the geneva convention. But when we look at Daesh, these are people who deserve no human rights because they are not humans, they are animals, and should be slaughtered as such. A military couldn't hunt and kill them because it is immoral and cruel. A mercenary could hunt and kill them, torture those they know for information and make examples out of them. Spread fear through there ranks like a disease. A group of PMC's could do so much more than a group of soldiers could because they aren't forced to stick to rules made by men who have never seen combat in their life, not to mention the fact that the rules are outdated and applied to wars from the early 1900's.
HELL think what a group of government sanctioned mercenaries could do, given diplomatic immunity and the means to do what an army couldn't and you could bring down any regime with a snap of your fingers. Then just attribute the success to your "brilliant" military genius and tactics. Then keep them on the payroll, when history refuses to co-operate, we make it.
Of course this is only my view on the matter. It is highly unlikely i'll be a mercenary any time soon. I haven't had any training and don't have the means to get military grade weaponry and body Armour. I'd have to be Bruce Wayne to afford something like that. And then there is the fact that i cry at almost any sad movie and care to much about my friends to go out with a gun in my hand and ruthlessly kill any who stand in my way.
But the basis is still there, for seven years i did want to be a mercenary, for seven years i was happy with being a ruthless killer, for seven years i was happy with erasing all of my morals in the pursuit of blood money. That kind of mentality is hard to undo, and the lack of morality is something that has stayed with me. As i mentioned earlier i often have debates with my friends and my lack of morality and conscience shines through. We discussed earlier this month the topic of the Syria bombings, all of my friends oppose the actions of the military except me, who believes firmly that these bombings are good and should help to hunt and eliminate the inhuman animals we call Daesh.
The final question people tend to ask me is what made me change my career choice? I always tell them that the moral nature of the mercenary remains in me but i no longer want to be one. (As much as i like the idea of being the female version of the Winter soldier). The answer to that question is simple. My friends. I went through a really ruff time about a year and a half ago, when my mercenary instincts really shone through and i didn't really care about living or dying anymore, so i thought why not be a mercenary, if i die, i die. If i live, i have money.
When i finally came out to my friends as Transgender and i was met with the most incredible response, i realized there was more to this world than cruelty and hatred. Suddenly my black and white world had the first real glimpse of colour and from their i began to change. As i began to transition, so did my views on life. It was eventually after my first girls night, which was the happiest day/night of my life, I realized i could do more good to people by talking to them, rather than pointing a gun at them.
So while i often fail at being moral and i mean REALLY fail. I try as often as i can to make the world and the people around me happier. The world has been really shitty to me, and in a way i'm thankful for it, because it's made me the person i am today.
Bri, one of the other sweethearts and one of my closest friends sent me this picture the other day;
Boy, that was a roller-coaster. From mercenaries and acts of barbarism, to my eventual moral change and helping to make the world a better place. Hopefully it makes some sense in the message i was trying to send. Just try to be kind to people and spread some love. Because who knows, it might stop someone from becoming a soulless mercenary killing machine.
Anyway, until next time, this is your Friendly Neighborhood Transsexual, signing off.
XOXO
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