Tis I again, i'm super tired right now. Anxiety has drained me today beyond words, i'm looking forward to a brief break during September before we go back to school in January. A break will be much appreciated, even if i don't get to see my friends for several weeks :'(
Today, as part of a School trip, a couple of the sweethearts and I went to Bethlem Royal Hospital. We were joined by a group of other students and a few teachers, the trip was more designed to show us the workings of a psychiatric hospital and how they are very much different from interpretations presented in the media through films such as "One flew over the Cuckoo's nest" (brilliant film btw check it out). I, ironically, was influenced by the media and expected the hospital to be very sterile and clinical, whitewashed walls and barred windows, however, i was pleasantly surprised. I found the hospital to be very nice, marble stairs and a very peaceful atmosphere, the patients were allowed to wander around in normal clothing and were treated like human beings, not people who were ill or mentally incapable. They were treated as normal members of society.
We weren't able to go and see any of the wards personally, a fact that i am perfectly fine with because these people are not exhibits, they are people who need their privacy while the recover and become better. We were able to wander the grounds a little bit but we mainly stayed within the small museum held at the hospital.
The museum was one of the most moving places I've ever been!! It featured a lot of art, such as poetry and paintings, that had been done by patients at the hospital throughout the years. It was incredible to be able to get some incite into the minds of these people who struggled with mental illnesses and chose to express it through art. I was on the verge of crying looking at this art. Truly some of the paintings really spoke to me. As a person who has struggled with mental illnesses through most of her life a lot of these paintings spoke to me. Especially a painting by Kim Noble, a woman who struggled with Disassociative Personality Disorder.
The Painting, entitled; Coming or Going Man was painted by Kim to represent her struggle everyday. She described her normal day as waking up to find clothes in her wardrobe which she didn't buy, and to buy Groceries that she didn't want. The painting was designed to capture her sense of literally not knowing whether she was coming or going. I found it to be such a beautiful picture because of it's simplicity. I struggled with my identity for 3 years before i finally realized i was Transgender. While i don't have Disassociative Personality Disorder, the painting spoke to me about a crisis of identity and finding your place in world that struggles to understand a personality which cannot physically be seen.
The art within the museum was beautiful in every sense of the word, the picture by Kim simply had the most impact on me. The museum also featured a lot of artifacts from the history of the hospital including devices used to treat people and also padding from cells that were used to detain people in the early days of the hospital. While that was very interesting i found myself drawn to the artwork more than anything else simply because it fascinated and captivated me in every way. The beauty of a damaged mind is something that will forever keep my life bright and filled with joy. I applaud every one of those artists in that museum for their bravery and sheer creative beauty. I fell in love with art today, and it will stay with me till the day i die.
Onto the grounds of the hospital, we wandered around a little bit before we stopped for lunch and i found the grounds to be beautiful. In the summer time i imagine the grounds to be green and luscious, a very nice place for someone to wander and find peace in their thoughts. The cafeteria on sight was nice, it had a costa and a place to buy hot food that was kept to a menu that sounded delightful. The staff were very pleasant when they served me. I struggle to order food in public and make contact with cashiers because of my Anxiety. I almost had a panic attack in the Cafe, just ordering a sandwich, but the lady behind the counter was lovely and patient and i was able to order a very tasty sandwich (Panic Attack free thankfully). It was nice inside decorated with flowers kept open with windows allowing plenty of light in. It maintained a nice friendly atmosphere, welcoming strangers and patients alike, once again lacking the distinction between patients and staff, helping to maintain a nice calmed relaxed atmosphere.
My visit to Bethlem has now cemented my desire to work as a Clinical Psychiatrist. Such a beautiful hospital with lovely staff and artwork helped to re captivate my love for Psychology all over again. I intend to become a therapist to help treat these people who are no different to you or I. The hospital was beautiful, friendly and educational, helping to draw stigma away from mental health disorders and broaden peoples views on the subject matter. To anyone with any interest in psychology i whole heartedly implore you to visit Bethlem and see the museum. It was truly one of the most emotional experiences in my psychological career.
Anyway i've rambled enough for one post, so until next time, this is your Friendly Neighborhood Transsexual, signing off
XOXO
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